All parents want to say “the right thing.” You want all the best for your child. But what if some well-meaning phrases are making things worse?
Children need acceptance. They need to know their emotions are validated. After all, parenting is about unconditional love. What can parents say that do the opposite of showing support? What to say instead? Let’s find out.
1. Just Calm Down
The phrase never works, not with kids or adults! You need to validate your child’s emotions. Saying “calm down” or “it’s not a big deal” feels dismissive.
What Can You Say Instead?
Acknowledge their feelings and show your support. You can’t force them to calm down; it’s a paradox. Instead, you can say:
I can see you’re stressed. Let’s take a moment to breathe together.
It sounds like this is worrying you. How can I help?
2. You’re Frustrating Me
Well, parenting is hard; there’s no denying it. Saying, “You make me mad,” makes children feel they’re the problem.
What Can You Say Instead?
Express your feelings without blame. For example:
I’m feeling a bit frustrated, too, but let’s work through this together.
3. Why Are You So Stressed Out?
Saying things like this feels like a direct criticism. It implies there’s something wrong with them for feeling anxious, adding pressure rather than helping.
What Can You Say Instead?
Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Don’t make them feel judged by putting extra pressure. A great example of things to say is:
I can tell something’s bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?
4. You’ll Be Fine, Don’t Worry
Though you’re trying to reassure them, your tone might sound uncaring, and your child might feel you’re not acknowledging what they’re going through.
What Can You Say Instead?
Your child’s emotions are important to you. However, they might not know that. Saying things like it’ll be ok makes them feel you minimise their feelings. Show your support by saying:
I’m here with you. Let’s figure this out together.
5. Stop Overreacting
This phrase labels their feelings as exaggerated, making your child feel misunderstood and even more frustrated.
What Can You Say Instead?
Use words that validate their experience. Try saying:
I can see this is a big deal for you. Let’s work through it.
6. There’s Nothing to be Afraid of
While logical to you, it disregards your child’s emotional reality. Their fears are real, and they need empathy, not judgment.
What Can You Say Instead?
Acknowledge their feelings. You don’t need to minimise their experience. You can say:
It’s okay to feel scared. I’m here to help you.
7. I Just Want You to be Happy
The sentence sounds supportive enough, but it’s stressful from a child’s perspective. You want them to be happy, but saying so can add to their stress and anxiety. They might feel that their feelings must be validated in a certain way.
What Can You Say Instead?
Show your support and unconditional love. The last thing your child needs is thinking you don’t love them if they don’t feel OK. Here’s what to say instead:
I’m here for you, no matter what you’re feeling.
8. You’re Too Sensitive
Don’t label your child. Labeling can make them feel flawed. Sensitivity isn’t the problem. They need to be understood, and more importantly, they need your support.
What Can You Say Instead?
Acknowledge their emotions. Show them they’re accepted for who they are. Try saying:
I can see this is affecting you deeply. Let’s talk about it.
9. You’ll Get Over It
This can downplay the seriousness of their feelings. They need reassurance that you’re there to support them, no matter how long it takes.
What Can You Say Instead?
Don’t let your child feel alone. Ensure you’re by their side. Try sating:
It might take time, but we’ll get through this together.
10. I Don’t Have Time for This Right Now
Caring for a stressed child is not easy, especially with everyday responsibilities. Things like “Stop that” or “Don’t be annoying” can worsen things. Whatever your child is going through, they can feel better with your support.
What Can You Say Instead?
Take care of yourself. Nonetheless, let your child know that you care about their emotions. You can say:
I can see this is important to you. Let’s talk when I can focus on what’s bothering you.
Provide The Best Support for Your Child
It is important to identify the causes of your child’s stress. Adapting to changes, family issues, and academic pressure are common causes.
You don’t have to face everything alone. At Ostato, we provide expert support for children and parents around the UK.
We offer practical, personalised lessons to help your child excel. Our online tutors guide students through stressful exams and coursework.
You will also have an education supporter by your side. In addition to academic success, we aim to improve a child’s confidence and problem-solving skills. For your comfort, we offer free trial lessons.
Be a Role Model and Prioritise Self-Care
By practising self-care, you are also taking care of your child. Besides, children learn by watching. Here are our expert tips:
- Orgnise your living and working space.
- Take short walks.
- Do your favorite workout.
- Spend time with your friends.
- Do your favourite hobbies now and then.
- Practise mindfulness and meditation.
- Learn breathing techniques to manage stress and practise with your child.
- Avoid impulsive shopping.
- Learn time management skills.